The year of the standup leader.

Biblical numerology gives us the number 12 as a representation of order and perfection or completion. Governmental perfection or completion in particular. This government in mention is not isolated to the state, local or federal government. This is the year that God has chosen to prioritize and structure the lives of leaders. Leaders in the homes, jobs, churches, and anywhere else leaders can be found. This is the year that unsuspecting leadership will flourish. Those whom we have least appreciated and even disregarded will be set up in a position of power and authority. This year God is extending an unusual and particular grace toward the structure of the lives of His leaders. This will be the year that what has always come apart will come together in the lives of the obedient. Those who incline to His word diligently will be used for the up building and benefactors of this unusual grace. Those who do not will not receive this grace but judgment. God has been dealing with us all in some particular areas in our lives revolving around order. To not take head will be received as rebellion and you shall receive the fruit thereof.

Covetted anointing.

Sometimes I feel lost within myself. Buried in my own thoughts of how I would like to see myself. Free from the hands of the enemy and his Jedi mind tricks. Doesn't exclude the desire to be like someone else. Let me explain. While I no longer deal with the everyday all day torment from the spirit of drug addiction. I still battle within my own esteem. When I come into the presence of men and women I know to be of great anointing, I sometimes feel out of place. I want the favor of God that they seem to have. I wanna be able to cast out demons, or lay hands on the sick. I really would like to walk in the gift of prophesy. More than all that. I would love to be encouraged. I don't mean by someone else. I wasn't it in my own spirit. My own assurance, from a confidence that is just in me. I hate to think that people see right through me. I hate that I just held an entire conversation with you and have no idea of what we said because I was trying so hard to look genuinely happy and at a place of perfect peace so you would think everything is well in me and couldn't see that behind my eyes all I could think about was how I wanted your ministry. How I covett your relationship with God because it seems so much more fruitful than mine. I wish that I could pray like you. Why can't I preach like that. No I don't want your troubles, I've hash own. Mine didn't seem to do to me what yours did for you. I know that God has called me but I often wonder what did He call me to.